Yesterday, I learnt how to Listen.

It was a day full of bustling activity. I was busy with practices for our performance for some citizens from a few blocks who were in need of financial aid. Our school was helping out to refurbish their houses and all, and my group of people was suppose to put up a performance.

Well, just after the practice, I was just waiting at the backstage, walking back and forth so as to calm myself down for the upcoming performance. I noticed that an old lady, trying to talk to some boys beside her, but to no avail, no one understood what she said. Curious, I approached her, wondering what help I would be of to her.

She talked in malay, which I knew nothing about. However, I just stood there, looking at her as she moved her hands around, describing excitedly about whatever she was talking about, her eyes wide open, and her only tooth, sticking out, shining ever so brightly as she started to tell me her stories.

I looked into her eyes, I tried to listen, but I could not understand any of the things she had said. However, I noticed something special about this one-way conversation, she was happy. Everytime, I looked into her eyes and smiled, she would smile back at me and laugh at herself, just like how my grandmother would always do when I replied to her story-telling sessions.

Well, I thought that that old lady reminded me of my grandmother, and it was also because of that, I had just realized that my grandmother had always wanted something from us. She wanted us to Listen to her.

In this world, everyone wants to be Listened, everyone likes having someone to listen to them. Take this blog for example, my motive may be that I would like to record some things that I've learnt, but I would also like more people to listen to me, so that I'll be heard and noticed.

Listening is a powerful tool for communication. Listening promotes understanding. The more one listens to another, the more one knows about that person. I believe that everyone would want to be Listened, for hardly anyone would like the fact that they're alone and unnoticed.

Live it, feel it. In our lives, I believe that Listening is essential for every single being, Listen more to the others around you, Listen more to the ones who love you, and most importantly, Listen to your heart, and make the best out of what you really want.

To my grandmother, and those who were always left alone because you were unheard, I apologize for what I've done, for I and of course, all of us, have taken many things for granted.

To the ones who've been Listening to me, especially my mother, my father, my two sisters, my wonderful friends (Y.X, Zar, Z.F and Cheng), my elder god sister who always seemed like my real elder sister (Laffiee), and of course H.T.

Today, I shall talk about Death and Dreams.

I am very sure that most people out there right now, would be having a busy life, rushing all their work as much as possible. Well, of course, these people, like me, would also think of things such as Death and Dreams, because we simply haven't experienced them yet, for we're still pursuing things that aren't really that important to us.

Death, something that most people would fear, and also something that most people would dread. The word refers to the end of one's life, an end to one's soul, and also, an end to one's dreams. Instead of asking myself where I would go after I had encountered Death, I had asked myself something else.

"Where would I want to go before I would encounter Death?" This, was a directly different approach.

"Death ends a life, not a relationship." This was said by wise old Morrie, who was on the verge of death. I couldn't agree more to his statement, for I too believed that Death would only bring an end to our lives.

Many people fear Death, but I wouldn't agree that it's Death that they fear. From my point of view, however, I believe that what these people truly fear would be Regrets. Everyone here fears Regrets, for it is one of the worse Emotions that anyone would have experienced, for it eats into our soul, mind and body with the strong sense of guilt and unsatisfaction that it brings with.

That is why, it would be good to start thinking about your own lives right now. Dreams, are the only things that would motivate us towards our future, Dreams are the only things that would guide us, and Dreams are also the lights that would shine ever so brightly in the face of obstacles. Dreams provide us with power, passion and peserverance.

My Dream is to become a storyboard and character designer of Final Fantasy XIX, for I was once inspired by Final Fantasy VII's story and I would in turn, like to inspire others through this too. The path towards success may be a hard one, but even if Death stands in my way, I would fight it in order to achieve my Dreams.

Death is closely linked with Dreams, for if Dreams were to be fulfilled, there would be none who would fear Death, as no Regrets shall remain. Everyone has thought of ways to encounter Death, and personally, I would just like to have a chance to say good bye to everyone when Death approaches.

Regrets' a power form of emotion, but no matter how great it is, there's always a way to overcome it. Open up one's mind and see peace, appreciate others while you have the chance, and finally, forgive yourself and forgive others while you're still intact. You never know when you're leaving.

Dreams may not be fulfilled at the end, but at least, you'll be able to accept Death more than to let it take you away. The only thing that can ever stop our Dreams, would be Death. However, one must learn that there's never a good ending to everything in life.

My dreams may not be fulfilled, but at least at this point of time, I can tell myself that I have forgiven, loved, and never regretted, that I was born in this world.

Live it, feel it. It's never too late to accept what's meant to happen, and it's never too late to realize your dreams. Leave Regrets behind, and live to the fullest.

I may not last forever, but at least I know that I'll not be forgotten.
If I ever meet Death, the only favour that I'll ask of, would be to place a white rose on my tombstone, at the 30th March and the 19th December.

To love, to appreciate and to forgive. All of you around me won't be forgotten too.

Today, I used Detachment.

It was Tuesday. The sky boded well, it was dark, thick and it was a pleasant sight. The sun wasn't up in the sky at all, it was a cooling day. This was the omen I'd been waiting for, and it would be required for what I was supposed to do for the rest of the day. I needed good omens, for my social studies project, for we needed luck in order to acquire the things that we've needed. A video camera, a wire for connecting it and time to study for my Geography test tomorrow.

Upon acquiring these items by afternoon, I had a feeling that we just might be able to do all the things we'd wanted by today. However, it came to me as a fact that our project would take too much time, and the only day that we would be able to finish everything would be on Sunday. I stood still, shocked and stunned, not knowing what had just hit me. Loneliness crept into me, it felt surprisingly cold. I understood why. Sunday had been an important day, and now, it would be nothing, all because of this particular project. I sulked, there was no other way, Loneliness went deeper, taking over what's left of my fragile soul.

I was being eaten up, until something blocked Loneliness from entering any deeper. It was Optimism. As I had mentioned on my previous post, Optimism was a shield. A shield that would protect one against any forms of danger, any forms of distraction, and finally, any forms of pain. Of course, apart from Optimism, something had helped me too. It was wise Morrie, from the book that I'd read from "Tuesdays with Morrie".

Morrie had come up with an idea of Detachment, an idea of feeling a particular form of Emotion fully, and then detach yourself from it after knowing what it's really like. It's the same as learning how your enemies are like, and then defeating them once you've learned about them. A simple concept, and yet it was hard to grasp for most people.

Some would keep a particular form of Emotion that would hidden inside them, thinking that this would make the others around them happier, but I don't agree with this concept, for the longer the Emotion's kept, the more powerful it becomes. This would only mean that the Emotion would break free one day and the user wouldn't be able to control it no longer.

Another method of managing one's particular Emotions that I wouldn't agree to, would be letting them on another person. As we all know, there would be certain points in our lives that we would lose our temper, and simply hurt the ones around us due to this action that we've committed. Sometimes, as simple as it might have seemed to be, a scar might have been left unknowingly. I believe that many teenagers are hurt because of situations like these, but do take note that as a teenager myself, I would say that we've hurt others around us because of such situations too.

I tried detaching myself from something that would hurt me. It had worked well, and I hope that others would follow in my footsteps, or rather, Morrie's footsteps, in managing their Emotions through Detachment. This was not escape, this was not avoidance, this was no ignorance. Detachment was a method that would allow its user to fully understand what he or she was feeling, and that through this course of action, the user would be able to gain a better control over the Emotions that would hurt him or her.

After Detachment, I was once again a happy person, being back to who I was the whole time. Everything went well, and the omens were indeed true. Everyone was happy with what they'd done so far, and I was indeed happy with the results that we've gotten at the end of the day.

It was until I've gotten home, when I had to sulk once more. Everything that we'd worked so hard for had vanished. The video camera that we used to take videos for our Social Studies project was left on the MRT train by a friend of ours. I was fuming, red hot with anger, and I was on the verge of going berserk.

Until, Detachment came about once more, and cooled the burning soul of mine. Optimism was once again in place, and I believed that we would be able to find the video camera. If not, I would just have to work harder, so as to produce a better result.

This was motivation, this was yet another pushing force, this was improvement. Indeed, the omens boded well, and that we'd done a good job for the day, but we'll always be able to do better, as long as we keep working hard for it. There's never an end to anything, and all hope remains, as long as our hearts and souls remain as strong as ever, without any distractions from our Emotions, and with Detachment guiding us ahead.

Live it, feel it, and understand yourself. Work harder for a bright future, and not sulk over what you've lost, for none is lost, until you've declared it.

Today, I recalled Emotions.

Emotions are an essential aspect of one's life that fully allows the user to plunge into the ways of life. They're ever so delicate, and yet, ever so strong at certain points in life. Emotions' just part of every single living soul out there, a tool for anyone that would come across their uses. No one really knows what they're really there for, unless they've lost them before. Personally, I'd attempted to do so, and it was an experience that I would never forget. It was the major lesson that I had learnt in life, and it would most probably act as one, for anyone who reads about it, right now.

It was at around September, or rather, October, I can't really remember the date since I've this tendency to forget things easily. Well, just around that time, I was just like any other emotional youths out there, managing stress from the family, from the school, from the friends, from anyone. Life was at the lowest point at that time, I had examinations, I had tolerate family quarrels, I had to take care of crying friends, I had to make myself happy, I just had so many things to do. At that point of time, I was just really busy. There came a point in time, when I actually had the time to think. Like any other teenagers, I was thinking of solutions to my problems, I was trying to get rid of things that had irritated me at this point of time, but I did not want to harm myself in any ways, nor harm others in any ways too. After much thought, I came up with an idea, that would benefit me and not hurt anyone at the same time. My idea was to rid myself of all emotions, and for that, I wouldn't feel anger, sadness, and all the other irritating emotions that have been affecting me for such a long time. I'd figured out that emotions were useless from the beginning, other than Happiness, what could you actually benefit from? Thus, from then onwards, I'd begun on my journey to actually dispose all of my emotions.

It all started out from baby steps, I decided to refrain myself from getting angry and sad first, so as to get used to the feeling of not experiencing anger and sadness. These were the two emotions that had affected me most after all. Once I'd gotten used to this, I started to dwell even further, and that was because I was enjoying it. Things were going smoothly, I was able to do better without anger and sadness, I was able to stop those things from distracting me, and I had the feeling that if I worked harder, I would be able to do even better. This particular idea struck me hard, and it was also because of it, I was determined that I would become the perfect being. The idea of being the perfect being, was that this human being, would be shut off from all forms of emotions,so as to only judge and make decisions through the usage of rules and logic. This way, the particular human being would make the best decisions and work most efficiently without unnecessary distractions created by emotions. I believed that emotions were the cause of why human beings have their shortcomings. Emotions affected human beings a lot, or rather infect them a lot. Human beings rely too much on emotions to make decisions, which weren't reliable in the first place since they were deep within every soul, with no trace of logic or law.

This new idea eventually took place, and I began to follow it. Time was no longer important, neither were friends, or even my family, to me, those were just distractions caused by the injustice being brought to this world. The reason why they even existed, was to distract beings, from achieving ultimate success, greatness or even power. Time, friends and families were distractions that blocked many from achieving the goal of becoming the perfect being, but I told myself, that I would not be one of them, I would make my way through, and have everyone to respect me for what I would eventually achieve. This, became my ambition. I carried on, shutting off more emotions as days passed, and I slowly began to realize, that things around me changed ever so quickly. By that time, it was already the end of the examination period. Amazed by how quickly time had actually passed, I was elated by the fact for some reason, and slowly, the emotionless side of me had started to go into hiding, while the other one, who was ever so keen on displaying all his emotions, had come back. I thought that it was good though, to have actually come back, but I would never forget the other side of me too, it had helped me too much and thus it would be a pity if I had forgotten about him. I thought that I had come back again.

However, it wasn't true at all. Things weren't as pleasant as they seemed to be at the end of the day. I enjoyed by day, but by night, I had just started a brawl with my aunt and my grandmother, it was until then, I decided to take things under control once more. I was reminded that emotions were delicate objects, and they were as useless as their users, thus, it was decided that I would dispose them once more, and change for the better. I went back to pursue my ambition of becoming the perfect being.

I was cold and harsh, my points of view were of those of an egoist. They seemed so cynical that everyone around me who had once been my best of friends were starting to change. They were taking too much, they didn't like the fact that I had actually changed so much in a short span of time, and they too, were starting to become as cold as I was. People started to ignore me, people started to despise me, and I was once again plunged into this dilemma, until my mind barked at me that I still had an ambition unfulfilled. As lifeless as I might have been, I continued pursuing something that didn't even exist, and my life was being led around by my other self blindly. I didn't even realize what I was losing, until a particular event changed me back thoroughly.

It was yet another evening, at my house, and my two sisters were tongue-battling as usual, causing much unwanted irritant. After quite some time, it had come down to the fact that one of my sisters was actually starting to use swear words. I stood up immediately and stopped the quarrel at once, forcing an apology out from the criminal. She simply turned away and took off back into her room, and I followed. I denied her from watching television, I denied her from playing her games, I denied her from getting out of the house, and finally, she had had enough from me. Of course, as the current emotionless being which I was now, I would not have sensed the slightest trace of anger from anyone around me, for I could not experience it myself. I was acting logically and sensibly, for swear words were disgraceful and users were to be punished I had pushed the game too far to the point that my sister had actually gone to the kitchen to grab a knife so as to attempt to keep me away from her. I simply stood there, and everything just came crashing down at me. I had failed terribly, my theory was flawed, to such an extent, that I had now become the world's greatest idiot, rather than the perfect being that I was working towards.

This was the greatest mistake I had ever made. How could I have not thought of this? By shutting myself off from all emotions, it would be shutting off myself from the world. I would not be able to understand my surroundings, I would not be able to judge how others felt, and most importantly, I would be as good as nothing. I would have become an shell filled with a useless soul. I would have become a can of sardine that was thrown away because it had expired. I would have become a life that was wasted because it had pursued something foolish.

Well, of course I've changed for the better and all, for the reason why I'm typing this was because I had wanted to let it serve as a reminder to myself that I would never go back into that form again. It was an experience that I would never forget, for it was one of the greatest lessons in my life. I learnt that by disposing emotions, I would not be able to feel the world at all, I would not be able to touch others, and I would no longer be considered as living. Emotions are definitely useful, and not only that, they're pieces of your soul, they're the things that made us for who we are. Without Emotions, we would be nothing. The dread of not being able to feel is definitely what everyone's afraid of, and I'm not talking about feeling physically, but spiritually. The reason why we all feel things even if our sense of touch, hearing, smell, sight and even taste, are not present was that we have our emotions to act as a support to all these senses. Emotions belong to our root, they belong to every living soul out there, they are gifts to us from the very beginning.

Don't be afraid, let your emotions flow, plunge yourself into them, and learn what they really are. Understanding your emotions would enable one to fully utilize them. By doing so, one would fully understand the elements of life, and live their lives to the fullest. We live and we feel it. Let you emotions fly and feel more, by concealing them, they'll hurt you even more. Personally, I don't agree with people who solve their problems by concealing their emotions or even letting them out too much, either way, it'd hurt. Concealing would hurt oneself, and also hurt others who know that you're hiding your pain. Letting out too much would hurt oneself, and also hurt others who were victims of your tyranny. I believe the best way, is to think positive and understand what you're feeling, and why you're feeling a particular emotion, so as to fully understand yourself and make problems easier to solve. Optimism doesn't mean hiding, optimism doesn't mean avoiding, optimism simply means, making things easy. Optimism be fully utilized, when one realizes how to make sense of one's emotions. It would be the greatest shield against all pain, and the greatest weapon against all obstacles.

Understand your emotions and you'll understand yourself. Live it, feel it.

Written specially to the first reader who had cried today.