Today, I recalled Emotions.

Emotions are an essential aspect of one's life that fully allows the user to plunge into the ways of life. They're ever so delicate, and yet, ever so strong at certain points in life. Emotions' just part of every single living soul out there, a tool for anyone that would come across their uses. No one really knows what they're really there for, unless they've lost them before. Personally, I'd attempted to do so, and it was an experience that I would never forget. It was the major lesson that I had learnt in life, and it would most probably act as one, for anyone who reads about it, right now.

It was at around September, or rather, October, I can't really remember the date since I've this tendency to forget things easily. Well, just around that time, I was just like any other emotional youths out there, managing stress from the family, from the school, from the friends, from anyone. Life was at the lowest point at that time, I had examinations, I had tolerate family quarrels, I had to take care of crying friends, I had to make myself happy, I just had so many things to do. At that point of time, I was just really busy. There came a point in time, when I actually had the time to think. Like any other teenagers, I was thinking of solutions to my problems, I was trying to get rid of things that had irritated me at this point of time, but I did not want to harm myself in any ways, nor harm others in any ways too. After much thought, I came up with an idea, that would benefit me and not hurt anyone at the same time. My idea was to rid myself of all emotions, and for that, I wouldn't feel anger, sadness, and all the other irritating emotions that have been affecting me for such a long time. I'd figured out that emotions were useless from the beginning, other than Happiness, what could you actually benefit from? Thus, from then onwards, I'd begun on my journey to actually dispose all of my emotions.

It all started out from baby steps, I decided to refrain myself from getting angry and sad first, so as to get used to the feeling of not experiencing anger and sadness. These were the two emotions that had affected me most after all. Once I'd gotten used to this, I started to dwell even further, and that was because I was enjoying it. Things were going smoothly, I was able to do better without anger and sadness, I was able to stop those things from distracting me, and I had the feeling that if I worked harder, I would be able to do even better. This particular idea struck me hard, and it was also because of it, I was determined that I would become the perfect being. The idea of being the perfect being, was that this human being, would be shut off from all forms of emotions,so as to only judge and make decisions through the usage of rules and logic. This way, the particular human being would make the best decisions and work most efficiently without unnecessary distractions created by emotions. I believed that emotions were the cause of why human beings have their shortcomings. Emotions affected human beings a lot, or rather infect them a lot. Human beings rely too much on emotions to make decisions, which weren't reliable in the first place since they were deep within every soul, with no trace of logic or law.

This new idea eventually took place, and I began to follow it. Time was no longer important, neither were friends, or even my family, to me, those were just distractions caused by the injustice being brought to this world. The reason why they even existed, was to distract beings, from achieving ultimate success, greatness or even power. Time, friends and families were distractions that blocked many from achieving the goal of becoming the perfect being, but I told myself, that I would not be one of them, I would make my way through, and have everyone to respect me for what I would eventually achieve. This, became my ambition. I carried on, shutting off more emotions as days passed, and I slowly began to realize, that things around me changed ever so quickly. By that time, it was already the end of the examination period. Amazed by how quickly time had actually passed, I was elated by the fact for some reason, and slowly, the emotionless side of me had started to go into hiding, while the other one, who was ever so keen on displaying all his emotions, had come back. I thought that it was good though, to have actually come back, but I would never forget the other side of me too, it had helped me too much and thus it would be a pity if I had forgotten about him. I thought that I had come back again.

However, it wasn't true at all. Things weren't as pleasant as they seemed to be at the end of the day. I enjoyed by day, but by night, I had just started a brawl with my aunt and my grandmother, it was until then, I decided to take things under control once more. I was reminded that emotions were delicate objects, and they were as useless as their users, thus, it was decided that I would dispose them once more, and change for the better. I went back to pursue my ambition of becoming the perfect being.

I was cold and harsh, my points of view were of those of an egoist. They seemed so cynical that everyone around me who had once been my best of friends were starting to change. They were taking too much, they didn't like the fact that I had actually changed so much in a short span of time, and they too, were starting to become as cold as I was. People started to ignore me, people started to despise me, and I was once again plunged into this dilemma, until my mind barked at me that I still had an ambition unfulfilled. As lifeless as I might have been, I continued pursuing something that didn't even exist, and my life was being led around by my other self blindly. I didn't even realize what I was losing, until a particular event changed me back thoroughly.

It was yet another evening, at my house, and my two sisters were tongue-battling as usual, causing much unwanted irritant. After quite some time, it had come down to the fact that one of my sisters was actually starting to use swear words. I stood up immediately and stopped the quarrel at once, forcing an apology out from the criminal. She simply turned away and took off back into her room, and I followed. I denied her from watching television, I denied her from playing her games, I denied her from getting out of the house, and finally, she had had enough from me. Of course, as the current emotionless being which I was now, I would not have sensed the slightest trace of anger from anyone around me, for I could not experience it myself. I was acting logically and sensibly, for swear words were disgraceful and users were to be punished I had pushed the game too far to the point that my sister had actually gone to the kitchen to grab a knife so as to attempt to keep me away from her. I simply stood there, and everything just came crashing down at me. I had failed terribly, my theory was flawed, to such an extent, that I had now become the world's greatest idiot, rather than the perfect being that I was working towards.

This was the greatest mistake I had ever made. How could I have not thought of this? By shutting myself off from all emotions, it would be shutting off myself from the world. I would not be able to understand my surroundings, I would not be able to judge how others felt, and most importantly, I would be as good as nothing. I would have become an shell filled with a useless soul. I would have become a can of sardine that was thrown away because it had expired. I would have become a life that was wasted because it had pursued something foolish.

Well, of course I've changed for the better and all, for the reason why I'm typing this was because I had wanted to let it serve as a reminder to myself that I would never go back into that form again. It was an experience that I would never forget, for it was one of the greatest lessons in my life. I learnt that by disposing emotions, I would not be able to feel the world at all, I would not be able to touch others, and I would no longer be considered as living. Emotions are definitely useful, and not only that, they're pieces of your soul, they're the things that made us for who we are. Without Emotions, we would be nothing. The dread of not being able to feel is definitely what everyone's afraid of, and I'm not talking about feeling physically, but spiritually. The reason why we all feel things even if our sense of touch, hearing, smell, sight and even taste, are not present was that we have our emotions to act as a support to all these senses. Emotions belong to our root, they belong to every living soul out there, they are gifts to us from the very beginning.

Don't be afraid, let your emotions flow, plunge yourself into them, and learn what they really are. Understanding your emotions would enable one to fully utilize them. By doing so, one would fully understand the elements of life, and live their lives to the fullest. We live and we feel it. Let you emotions fly and feel more, by concealing them, they'll hurt you even more. Personally, I don't agree with people who solve their problems by concealing their emotions or even letting them out too much, either way, it'd hurt. Concealing would hurt oneself, and also hurt others who know that you're hiding your pain. Letting out too much would hurt oneself, and also hurt others who were victims of your tyranny. I believe the best way, is to think positive and understand what you're feeling, and why you're feeling a particular emotion, so as to fully understand yourself and make problems easier to solve. Optimism doesn't mean hiding, optimism doesn't mean avoiding, optimism simply means, making things easy. Optimism be fully utilized, when one realizes how to make sense of one's emotions. It would be the greatest shield against all pain, and the greatest weapon against all obstacles.

Understand your emotions and you'll understand yourself. Live it, feel it.

Written specially to the first reader who had cried today.